Enduring the Cold
by SoraOfSkye
Summary: Not too long ago, Dis has lost her beloved husband. Dwalin finds her standing on her own out in the cold and tries his best to keep her company. Still water run deep, you know? (Unrequited love) [[Update]] Contains more chapters.
1. Chapter 1: Enduring the Cold

"Milady…" he bowed his head as he took off his hood, " Maybe ye should head inside. It'll be a wee cold tonight…" He offered her the best smile he could muster, but even then, seeing the sadness in her eyes just made it all the more difficult. It rendered him powerless as his own heart broke. "Or would ye rather me fetch yer cloak for ye?"

"No. I'm fine… I just want to stay out here for a while longer… thank you, Dwalin," her voice was rather weak, but her resolve remained ironclad. It was as expected of the First Princess of the Durin's Folk. She pulled her shawl around her tightly as a small breeze swept by.

He remained silent and bowed his head, about to turn to retreat. Perhaps he should leave her alone. Even if he stayed, he wasn't the one who she wanted to be there with her. "...then I bid ye good night, milady." As he was retreating, he felt a small tug on his cloak. He turned to see Dis holding onto the thick fabric, looking up at him desperately.

"I didn't tell you to leave, Dwalin… please stay…"she looked up at him with her lovely doe eyes, fresh tears glistening, though not falling. It mesmerized him greatly. "I… would rather not be alone right now."

There was a helplessness about her that just made his tough warrior exterior melt away. He so wanted to embrace her and comfort her. They've known each other for their entire lives and he had loved her for nearly just as long. It was no secret to her, but he had long since gracefully bowed out once she chose another. It broke his heart, but it was what he thought would show his love to her the most: being happy for her. Since then, he had been trying to keep his distance for the sake of her family.

But now since Dili, her late-husband, was gone… No it was unthinkable. A dwarf is married until the couple are within Mahal's Halls of Waiting. That was the way of their people. He knew how much she loved her husband and how happy he made her. It would be shameful if he ever dared to rekindle what was never there. She was a mother of two and the wife of another man. And yet she asked him to stay. He obliged. "As you wish, milady."

She noticed how formal he was and sighed. "It's unbecoming of you to still be angry with me, Dwalin," she frowned. Dis let go of his cloak and crossed her arms. "Not at all warrior-like."

"When did I ever say I was angry with ye?" He lifted a brow. "I am just showing ye the respect ye deserve." He snorted and crossed his arms, looking down at her with some humor in his eyes. "It's nae proper for a servant to be addressing his mistress by name, ye ken?"

"You're not a servant… So stop acting like one," she challenged him. "And I'm certainly not your mistress." She snorted as she looked away. "In both sense of the word."

"Ah, I've long since abandoned that venture, I'll have ye ken," Dwalin stood his ground firmly and stared directly at her. It was very much a lie, but she didn't know that. "What with how ridiculously happy you are-" He immediately shut his mouth and spoke no more. It was definitely not the most appropriate thing to say to cheer her up. "... Sorry…"

"Don't… don't be…" she shook her head with a sad smile. "...yes. I was ridiculously happy. He did make me-..." she too stopped herself. As much as she wanted to make light of the matter, it hurted her too much. She felt a lump in her throat growing. The tears welling up in her eyes became unbearably heavy and threatened to fall at any moment. Dili was the love of her life and losing him was like losing part of her soul.

"... I'm useless…" he muttered quietly and slowly backed away. "Forgive me…"

"NO! No… Don't go… please… I..I-... It's alright…" she struggled to say, wiping away her tears. He remained, but he kept his distance. The brief moment of lighthearted intimacy was now gone. After a brief silence, she spoke softly again, "... Dwalin…"

"Yes, milady?"

"...How long must you pretend? You must really despise me for what I've done to you." She gazed into his eyes, searching for the answer. She could see through his facade. She could tell that he still loved her and was afraid to admit it.

"...ye havena done anything to me… what is there to despise?" he looked straight at her. He then shrugged as he eased the tension in his shoulders."It's all in the past now… It's best ye forget things that hold no meaning to ye." Easier said than done, he thought, on his part. Either way, nothing he could do would change her heart. It destroyed him inside, but it was the cold hard truth of it all. He especially didn't want her to change out of pity. "What matters now is that ye maintain yer health and strength for the sake of yer children, brother and for yerself, aye? Come inside, milady. Ye'll catch a cold if ye stay out here any longer."

"So I meant nothing to you?" she asked in a rather hurt, but quiet voice. This reaction was rather unexpected to her. She did feel guilty for not loving him in return, but this was something entirely new to her. Betrayal? After all that he once claimed, this was what he had to say to her?

"I'm not quite the man who'd follow my own advice, ye ken," he snorted with a shrug.

She blushed at the reply. It was true. She had not done anything to him or for him. Since the night when he confessed his undying love to her, she had done nothing to appease it. She did not refuse him and yet she never accepted him. She ignored him and followed her own heart. Nothing indeed. Not even did she have the kindness of telling him. Even so, he still remained respectful and never brought the matter up again. He was forever devoted to her brother and did his best to help her family out in times of need. He did not show any signs of envy or anger towards her or her husband. There was no look of pain, betrayal or scorn. Nothing.

She shivered as another icy gust blew past them. Her teeth chattered slightly as she wrapped her arms about herself tightly. Then all of a sudden, a weight fell on her shoulders and the chill was gone. Her eyes widened as she felt him wrap his cloak about her and fastened it neatly together.

"Get ye inside, milady…" he voice was low, but gentle and his eyes were busy looking at the clasp about her neck. "Leave the watch to the night's watchman." He pulled up the hood over her head and placed it carefully just above her brow, the edges framing her beautiful face. "Yer bairns are waiting for ye."

"And what about you?" she looked up at him for he was quite tall for a dwarf. She held his hand to her cheek. "What will happen to you?" Their eyes finally met. His eyes were always such a pretty shade of green, like the emeralds she so loved. Normally, they were fierce and could pierce like a knife, but now they glowed softly in the starlight.

"I've endured the cold for this long now. What's another wee gust, aye?" he gave her a sweet but sad smile. "Dinna ye worry about things that have no meaning to ye…" He slowly pulled away his hand. He stepped back, inclined his head respectfully and left without saying another word. Her cheek tingled where his hand once was as the air kissed it.

Dis stood there, feeling the warmth of the cloak, his warmth and scent that lingered. It was a familiar feeling that brought her back to that night so long ago. "I love you," he had said and embraced her. He had kissed her sweetly on the cheek, hoping for her response. But then she stood still, frigid, pushed him away and left. His response was the same as what she had just witnessed. How desperately must he have long to hear her call him back to her, asking him to stay. But he kept walking and she remained silent for 40 years. She sighed.

"I'm sorry…"


	2. Chapter 2: Prequel: As Still as Glass

"Dis…" he ducked his head under a low hanging branch, slowly approaching her. The reflections of moon upon the still water made it look like a mirror; the subject upon its surface was the fair princess. The soft rays and the starlight made her look even lovelier. He took a deep breath as she turned around to greet him. "Why are ye here all alone?"

"I just needed to get away for a moment… to collect myself…." she smiled as she dipped her naked feet into the pool. The water rippled and the moonlight danced about. The water was crisp and it made her skin tingle. It was refreshing after being on her feet all day, doing her part to help her people survive the harsh conditions. "Am I needed back already?" she pouted as there was a hint of irritation in her voice.

"No… I'm nae here because of Thorin, Dis.." he shook his head. He now needed to choose his words and timing carefully. Too soon and she would think he was joking. Too slowly and she would lose her patience with him. "I wanted to speak with ye…"

"Well, you are now, aren't you?" she lifted a brow with a look of amusement, a slight giggle in her voice. "You're not still upset about that one time I braided your hair to the tree, are you?" She bit her lip from laughing too hard. They were children back then and she enjoyed every moment of it. Then again, that was what he got for falling asleep around her.

"Hah! Ye got me good that time! Nae again, I'll tell ye now!" he snorted as he smiled as well. Seeing her like this, so casual, so… exposed with her skirts pulled up and her naked in the water, it took all his strength to not blush. She was the first and by far the most beautiful princess the Line of Durin had to offer. He fumbled his hands into his pocket, rolling around the beads he had made for her. "No, it's a different matter entirely…" he collected himself as he offered her a hand. It wasn't an unusual gesture. He helped her up many times before. They've known each other their whole lives.

"Oh?" she took his hand and stood up, brushing herself off, wiggling her feet to shake off the excess water. "Aren't you acting odd, Dwalin? Usually you just blurt things out without the anyone's heed." She stood before him, looking up with him with smiling clear blue eyes, just like everyone else in her family. But hers were less piercing than they were captivating and lovely.

Instead of letting go of her hand, he held it between his own two. The gesture made her blush and worried at the same time. He smiled at her and gave her hand a reassuring squeeze. "Dinna ye fash, lass. Nothing is the matter… I promise ye…. it's just I think there's something wrong with me…"

"What? Are you ill? You're not going away, are you?" She frowned in concern.

"Well… stricken, more like…. there's… something wrong with me heart, ye ken?" He struggled to find the words.

"Then you have to see Oin! That's horrible news!" She was now very concerned. Heart issues? How? He was as healthy as a bull all his life.

"Oin canna do anything for me, nor any of his potions or tonics. I think only ye can help me...ye ken?" he reached into his pocket. "...it's because I'm stricken with love…"

"W-what?" she withdrew her hand. She could see that now. It was as clear as the waters beside her. Dwalin? With her?

"Dis…. I… I am in love with ye…. and I've been in love with ye nearly all my life, ye ken?" he pulled out the beads from his tunic and offered it to her. "I...I wish I was good enough of a smith to forge these m'self… but…" he stepped closer and threw caution to the wind. He wrapped his arms around her and even dared to kiss her as gently as he could upon her soft cheek. His lips lingered there for a moment as he pulled away. "Will ye marry me, my love? I will do anything for ye, Dis. Just say the word."

In his mind, he rehearsed the scene, the speech, the actions and time and time again, he imagined how she would respond. "Yes," she would say. "Of course!" as she was supposed to throw her arms around him and smiled brightly, "I love you too." And then he would have the honor of plaiting her hair and adorning it with the beads, like so many other couples he had seen done so often before. And then their first kiss as lovers, full of passion, full of joy. If only...

Her hands dropped to her side and she stood as still as a stone pillar. Not a single syllable was uttered as she pushed herself free from his embrace and did not even look at him as she stepped away from him. The smile on her face and the look of concern was now replaced with apathy. Her was as pale as the marble statues once carved in the House of Durin. Lovely, but unfeeling. Her answer was there, not in words but in action. She turned around, picked up her boots and headed back towards the camps. He bit his lip and bowed as she walked past him, his hand still clutching the beads tightly. There was nothing more to be said. She answered.

He walked over to the pool and slowly opened his hands, letting the beads slip and fall into the black water. _Plop!_ He watched them sink down to the bottom, the light of the jewels encrusted in them winked and eventually faded. All that was left was his reflection upon the black pool, still as glass. _Plop plop. _New droplets disturbed the surface for a brief moment, forming ripples, then dissipated to nothingness.

Dwalin closed his eyes and turned away. The cool air kissed his cheek. He pulled his cloak tighter about him, clutching the fabric together over his chest as he walked towards his tent.


	3. Chapter 3: The Warmth of Marble

"Ye be by yerself an awful lot, Dis. Some are beginnin' to think ye're tryin' to avoid social contact," he crossed his arms and snorted in amusement. "Are ye ill?" The fireplace smoldered and warmed the room. She sat there on her armchair, looking at the dancing flames.

"...no… just cold… and tired…" she replied in a small voice that crackled due to lack of use. She had remained rather quiet for the past ten years now since she came here. It was ten years to the day when she lost everything. To her people, it was a joyous holiday, celebrating the Dwarf new year. But how could she be happy when she could remember them leaving her behind? No matter what she told them, they left and never returned again. They were so full of hope back then, the three of them. The younger two were more full of wonder and curiosity while the oldest was solemn. Durin's Day, it was.

"Are we nae all?" Dwalin sighed as he stepped closer to the fire, looking at the tongues and the popping logs, leaning against the mantel piece, "... well… I willna bother ye any longer, milady…. After the festivities, I'll be taking my leave from the Lonely Mountain..."

"Where will you go?" She looked up at him, though their eyes did not meet.

"Far over the Misty Mountains Cold... " he looked down at his feet, "...we dinna sing that much anymore, now do we? But then again, why would we? There is nothing left for us to reclaim… Erebor is ours… There is once again a King Under the Mountain. The Durin's Folk have a proper home. And Balin is back in Moria... There's nothing left for me here…"

"...nothing?" there was a pain in her voice. "After all you have done… all you have fought for… nothing?"

"Aye… What use am I to anyone here?" He finally looked at her, his eyes gleamed with the light from the fire. A tear ran down Dis's face as the words wounded her deeply. He looked away. "Dain has given me leave… to go back to the Ered Luin… and in his name become the Lord of Thorin's Halls. With the wealth I've acquired for my services to my king, I will make that place worthy of his name."

"And what of those you would leave behind?" She stood and looked straight at him. "What will happen to them?"

"There are none… All who ever cared for me are now dead or gone," his voice was cold and unfeeling. He looked right at her but there was no emotions in his eyes. No scorn. No hatred. No pity. No love. Nothing.

"And what about me?" She protested and tears streaked down her face. "Am I no one to you?"

"Please, spare me… when has the fact of me being nae a part of yer life ever been an issue to ye? Dinna salt old wounds. Scars dinna hurt once they've healed, ye ken," he scoffed. He gave her a mocking laugh. "I am nae here to rekindle with marble."

"Then why are you here? To mock me for what I've lost? Have I not suffered enough?" She stood her ground and roughly wiped the tears away. She walked up to him, filled with fury, a sense of betrayal. She glared at him and nearly snarled.

"Ye ken damn well why, lass! And I've lost just as much as ye've, so stop actin' like yer pain is greater than anyone else's!" he snarled back. "Day in and day out ye sit there, playing the victim, doing nothing to honor their memory, wasting away and expect the world to pity ye. As if ye didna have all the love in the world already!"

"... is that all you have to say?" She balled her fist and never lost eye contact, though hot tears welled up in her eyes. "Anything else while you're at it?"

"Ye ken my mind well enough by now, Dis. There's nothing else left to say..." he turned away and headed towards the door.

"So... that is the end of it all then? Of your... love for me...?" She said before he could leave.

"I never said that," he responded quietly with a small smile on his face. "Goodbye, Dis." Without giving her a final look, he went out the door. There was no point in turning back now.

"Dwalin, wait!" His eyes widened and his heart stopped. He turned around and saw her holding onto his arm, "I will go with you. He was my brother after all. I wouldn't let just anyone become the lord of our home."

"... but Erebor is yer home…" he looked at her rather confused.

"Home is where the heart is," she shook her head and replied with a smile. "It is where their memory lives on." She took his hand and grasped it firmly. "I'm not cold anymore."

"Neither am I."


End file.
